Tag: Indiewriter

Like I promised in the end of Kindle version of BURNING HEARTS, here is the alternate ending to it. I have to warn you, this isn’t your happily-ever-after kinda ending. If you are up for a more raw deal, read ahead.

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Burning Hearts: Alternate Ending

I still can’t believe at times that we are together. All those years ago it seemed impossible; as if we were destined to walk separately and we did go a little distance without each other. But destiny brought us back together; I hope it remains intact till the end of our lives.

But life is never constant.

Next day Pallavi woke up and went down to make coffee for both of them. She took a vessel and placed it on the burner. After a while Pranav heard her screaming his name and rushed down to check on her. Pallavi was standing in the middle of the kitchen confused and perturbed. The vessel was on the burner and the milk poured out relentlessly.

“Pallavi,” he called out for her attention turning off the gas.
“What happened? Why didn’t you turn off the gas? Didn’t you see the milk spilling?”
“I….I…forgot how to turn it off…”

Pranav stared at her. Pallavi’s face was a picture of helplessness and confusion. This had been happening from some time now. She had been facing some trouble with her memory. She forgot her dialogues in between shoot, put more sugar or salt into dishes she prepared, forget names of people, forget to comb her hair before going out, etc. Initially Pranav didn’t feel anything wrong and attributed it to stress from work. But now things were getting serious; she had angry outbursts when confronted, and at times it made her hysteric. He did not want her to get into hysteria now, so led her out of the kitchen wordlessly.

He was with Pallavi all the time, helping her out and at the same time observing her. She zoned out at times; while she was in the middle of something she suddenly stopped it and moved away not knowing what to do. She was trying hard but he could see it was slowly affecting her. Hence when they returned back home, somehow Pranav convinced her to be examined. She was angry at first, but he assured her that he just wanted her to relax and was doing it to help her. Finally, she conceded.

But what the doctor revealed changed their lives forever. Pallavi was having symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease and was diagnosed as in the initial stages of it. Pranav requested the doctor to keep her in the dark about this since he knew she won’t be able to handle this information. Considering her well being, to not cause her more stress and restlessness, doctor informed her it was the after-effects of stress and advised her to take maximum rest. Pranav started to take care of Pallavi like never before. He knew physically he may not lose her because of this disease, but he knew he could lose her mind one day. But he did not want to think about it for now. He was focusing on taking care of Pallavi in all ways he could and live maximum moments with her. He continued to do that, until one day Pallavi chanced upon her medical reports accidently.

She could not digest it. The jigsaw puzzle that her life had become was now clear to her. She was in denial first, but soon broke into hysteria. She threw everything that her hand touched and kept screaming. She was angry that Pranav did not tell her, her heart broke realizing she was going to be a liability to all those who loved her; she would forget all who were dear to her and everything that was her world until now, soon. She wanted Pranav to be free of her, free of this gruesome phase of her life, of that huge responsibility.

“You have to leave me and go, Hero. This is over, I said this is over.”
Pallavi was yelling at him while tears ran down her cheeks unchecked.
“I’m not going anywhere, Pallavi, no matter how much you scream or how many things you break.”
He was adamant and his defence mechanism had always been anger. Pallavi’s body hunched in defeat; she sat down slowly amidst the chaos crying.
“Try to understand. This, is going to eat me up slowly…in no time I would forget everything…including you…I don’t want you to stand by and watch my destruction. Leave me, Hero…leave me alone…” she sobbed into her palms.
“Pallavi…you don’t know what you are asking me to do. Just relax; we can talk about this later,” he tried to pick her up in his arms.
She allowed him to do that. He took her to their room and made her sit on the bed; she held his hand and he obliged her by kneeling beside her. She cupped his face.

“You still have a life ahead of you…You have your career waiting for you, your son, your direction dreams. You have many things to achieve yet; more heights to reach. I don’t want to be a burden on you…when you should be out there…achieving success. Don’t waste it all for me…for this life that is…about to end. Go away…live your life, Hero.”
He couldn’t help the crack in his voice though his eyes refused to moisten.
“What are you saying, Pallavi?”
“I have lived a wonderful life with you, Hero. But now…everything has changed…everything and I mean it. If we continue together, I don’t know…maybe…maybe I will hurt you each day…by forgetting everything between us, slowly. So please…please leave me alone to deal with this…..”
“Would you have left me if I was diagnosed with this illness?” She stared at him with wet eyes.
“Would you have gone ahead with your life and career leaving me behind? Would you have left me alone to deal with this phase of my life, when I need you the most?”
“Hero…”
“You will not. I know that. Then why do you think that I would? I might be the most selfish person you have seen in this world and this time too I’m being selfish. I want to be by your side always, in good health and illness. I want to grow old with you by my side and I would do anything to keep you with me. So don’t you ever compete with this selfish man; I’m going to get what I want, always”.
He hugged her fiercely. She continued to cry nonstop.

“What if I forget you one day? What if I don’t recognize you…push you away from me?”
He hugged her more tightly.
“I will come closer, each time you push me away.”

He did not dare to answer her first two questions; because both of them knew that it would happen eventually. All he could do now was hold onto her. They did not talk after that, but stayed in each other’s embrace and cried for the fate that was ahead of them. Life is never constant!

Pranav and Pallavi always had plans for travelling around the world. They took off once their existing professional commitments were done. Before Pallavi lost all threads of her memory they needed this time together; to be away from the whole world and savour beautiful moments before the ultimate sunset. They had put this off for long, for their kids and careers. But now there was nothing more important than this.

Pearl had realized Pranav was not her own father early on and it developed a distance between them. As soon as she touched teenage it got worse. But the present crisis in their lives brought them together as a unit. They became each other’s support system around Pallavi and her illness. Viren, Jasmine, Nisha and Akash stood by them as Pranav and Pallavi navigated their way around this. Pranav dealt with the situation with as much courage and patience he could muster. But Pallavi’s illness was eating into him slowly; Pallavi’s fragile memory helped her in forgetting the scars she left behind but it all became inked into Pranav’s heart affecting him for life. Pearl noticed it clearly. She could see it; anyone could see it looking into his dull eyes, the sudden greying of his hair, the weakness on his face and the loss of gusto in his walk.

Since the time Pavan was aware of Pallavi’s illness, Pavan felt differently about her. He was always neutral about her; he did not hate her, but neither could he adjust to her presence in his life. He could not adapt to it like he could with Ajith in his mother’s life. Maybe because he was too young and unprepared when Pallavi walked into his life. The way his father took care of Pallavi left him shook. He could see what she meant to his father clearly now. Slowly with time, something which was unacceptable to him became acceptable – Pallavi as his father’s wife; as a part of his family.

Pranav bore with her eccentric moods, handled her outbursts with patience and love. When she lost hope against the disease that was engulfing her, he reassured her. He did everything he could to fight their fate. With each day, Pallavi lost a bit of herself and Pranav lived with it. One day when she tried to wear a sari, she couldn’t remember how to drape it; he draped it for her. She was getting worse at handling kitchen. Mid way through preparing food she would forget how to proceed further or she would burn the food or damage the kitchen or simply forget to cook and eat on time. So Pranav slowly convinced her to let go of the reins of kitchen to maids. She would often misplace things, or brush teeth with his toothbrush, or come out after just standing in shower for a while without bathing properly. He had to be there for her, at every step and he did. Naturally their careers and life beyond this situation took backseat. Pallavi was slowly becoming a child, who needed absolute care and he diligently offered his wife that.

Pallavi now lost major share of her memory. Her mind had gone back to her childhood. She no longer recognized Pranav or Pearl. She often asked for her father and mother. Nisha was the only person she still recognized. After Pearl and Pavan left to pursue their careers, Pranav shifted with Pallavi to her hometown in Munnar. Since her memories belonged to that environment, he thought it was best for her.

She did not recognize Pranav but somehow let him take care of her. And that was a huge relief for Pranav. He no longer heard her calling his name, there was no sign of feeling in her eyes when she looked at him, and at times she angrily shouted and screamed at him asking who he was. It hurt him a lot but he coped with it. Their loved ones felt bad for Pranav more than Pallavi. Pallavi at least was unaware of what’s happening to her and still had her blissful moments. But Pranav was bearing it all with a sane mind.

It was their fifteenth wedding anniversary today. Pallavi obviously did not remember the significance of the day. Till last year, she did recognize Pranav and hence could be told about the day. But today Pranav was a stranger to her and there were no memories in her mind. Even if she didn’t remember, Pranav was determined to make this day memorable for them, as usual. He assisted her in bath and got her ready in a red sari and adorned her with all signs of a married woman. He took her to the kitchen but she was adamant about sitting in the garden. He gave in and made her sit on the swing in the garden so that he could watch her through kitchen window while he baked a cake for her. It was their anniversary routine.

Pranav did have an eye on her time to time. When he turned towards the window after placing the batter in the oven, he couldn’t see Pallavi. He rushed out calling her name but got no response in return. He panicked and ran into the house searching every room. Not finding her there he ran out of the house. Since maids were on leave owing to their anniversary there was no one else at home who could have noticed her. He ran down the lane before the house in search of her. He did ask a few people on the road and they did see Pallavi and told him the direction in which she went. He ran down the road and finally found her standing before the crossroad not knowing where to go. He ran towards her and as soon as he reached her, he hugged her. He was trembling with tears.

“Pallavi!!!!!!!!!!!!!…………..Dammit, you scared me!!!!!”

He came out of the hug and cupped her face. At first, she looked at him strangely, and then she slowly smiled and handed over the flowers that were in her hand. It was a special variety of flower found only in Munnar. Unknowingly she fulfilled their anniversary routine where she always gifted him a unique flower variety for his garden. Pranav was shook beyond his core and searched her eyes for any signs of recognition for him. There were none. She neither recognised him nor realized her actions. Her mind which was scattered with her five-year-old self could not have given her this insight; but maybe her heart did. He was deeply touched and couldn’t contain his tears.

Her heart remembers!

“You…you remembered?”
“Huh?”
“You used to gift me unique flowers for my garden on all anniversaries.”
She looked confused for a moment before shifting her focus beyond him onto something on the road. He smiled through the tears not affected by her dismissal.
“I guess, I’m still there somewhere inside you.”

His heart burst out with joy. He hugged her close to him showering butterfly kisses everywhere. It was indeed the happiest moment of his life, in years. Though Pallavi lost her mind to Alzheimer’s, she probably had a moment of clarity and in that moment, she remembered Pranav, her love. This one incident would keep him going, would keep them going. Regardless of the tragedies that befall, a love like that can only have a beautiful ending.